Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
