Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
