I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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