He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
