Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
