If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
