we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
