I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
