Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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