You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
