I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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