This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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