Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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