I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
