8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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