The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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