I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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