he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
