8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
