I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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