made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
