can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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