when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
