he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
