I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
