im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
