yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
