i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
