It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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