But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
