We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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