I think i peed on brittanys purse
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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