Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I love you.
Bad choice
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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