im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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