Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
