At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
