How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
