Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
