Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
