i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
