New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
