The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i now understand why vodka
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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