Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
