omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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