My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
