why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
