I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
