they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
