your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
