NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
