it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
