Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
