the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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