too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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