she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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