in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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