Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So much rum. So many feels.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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