I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
