Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
