She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
