dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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