i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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