he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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