I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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