Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
