Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
