I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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