Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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