Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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