Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
